This Isn't Really a Post...It's More of a Chat

So...I just feel like talking today. We should have a little chat. But...I think mostly I'll just chat...okay, it'll be all me. Does that make me sound conceited? Because, to be honest, I'm not sure I'm bothered by that.

I haven't been blogging much lately and it's really been for a few rather large reasons.

Number one...I haven't felt like it. Oy...that's horrible, right? But...I find that my craftiness comes in waves. Sometimes my energy is just devoted to other things. I will make this sound slightly better by informing you that the scrapbook room is a disaster with the progress of a current project...one I hope to have finished by this weekend. So at least I'm doing something.

Number two...I haven't really been the most chipper girl. I'm dealing with a lot of personal junk right now and the stress levels are high. Because of that I've really just been in a crummy, self-absorbed mood. And my rule of thumb is that if I can't say something nice then I won't say anything at all. No one comes to a blog to get more depressed. Ugh. So I've been quietly keeping to myself instead...but it's okay...I'm bouncing back.

Number three...I have been attacking the office policy manual. This has to be the most draining activity ever. We have an employee policy and general procedure manual that is freaking huge. It details the steps of everything that needs done around here. But...it hasn't been revised in 5 years and some things have been changed. Plus, the way it's organized right now there are a lot of policies that get repeated in a bunch of sections. Super annoying. So I've been trudging through it, rewriting as I go. Out of the 14 sections that I need to complete, I'm on number 3. That sounds kind of daunting. Maybe I should say it like this...Out of the 14 sections that I need to complete, I'm on number 3!! There...see...I've accomplished something and I'm proud of it.

So there you go. Those are my excuses. But I'm coming around. I think I'll be back on task here shortly...I am currently being heavily distracted by the Olympics, I won't lie. Plus, I have a pile of fun recipes ready to give you and some book reviews. (I discovered the other day that I am currently 9 books behind for my year's goal...I need to get cracking.)

And...for those of you who have read through all of this blah, blah, blah. I have a surprising new development. I was on my way home for lunch yesterday and saw...a sign...in the neighbor's yard. I'm not sure whether to be shocked, sad or ecstatic, but it would appear that crazy neighbor is moving. I'll miss his antics - he was out swearing at the car a couple of days ago...again - and I'm kind of nervous to see who we'll have moving in, but...it will be super nice to sleep in on a Saturday morning without power washing and cursing at 6am.

Alrighty then, I have sufficiently talked your ear off. Back to the grind. Let's get some things done! Onward and upward.

Summary Su...Monday: Let's Pretend This Never Happened Edition

Okay...ya...I know it's Monday. Yesterday was crazy. We headed out at 7am to host an EMT National Registry test at Collin's office and by the time we got back home last night I was too pooped to write. I did, however have the privilege of being strapped down to a backboard about...oh...eight to ten times...so that was fun. (Insert sarcasm here.)

This was pretty much the highlight of the week :

Yup...that's right. It showed up on my doorstep last week and I have been loving on it ever since. It also helps add to the excitement that this showed up a few days before :

So now I have Jenny's autograph glued to the inside of the book. Yay!

I'm currently reading it and both Patti and Erin have asked to borrow it. I'm finding that I'm awfully protective of my new little treasure. There will be restrictions and I've told both of them that they must treat it like a newborn baby. This seriously might currently be my most prized possession. (I'm a little obsessed. How obsessed, you ask? I considered telling them that they would have to come over and read it here in my library just so it wouldn't leave the premises. Ya...I know...)

What else happened this week? Well...let's review...

Posts I Posted : It was another book week, with reviews of funny lady Mindy Kaling's Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me (and other concerns) as well as the super cute and tear-inducing young adult novel The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. Amazingly enough, I actually posted a project as well. Not even just a project...a tutorial (sort of). I showed you how I made Abigail's teddy bear from my couch cushions and Collin's pants.

Books I Read : I finished up Girls in White Dresses by Jennifer Close and Ella Minnow Pea by Mark Dunn. Reviews will be coming shortly. I'm currently reading Let's Pretend this Never Happened: A Mostly True Memoir by Jenny Lawson. Let me tell you...awesome. I love her. We should be neighbors. She'd be way more fun than crazy neighbor. Especially since he returned from his secret disappearance (which we assume was rehab) and has been far too quiet and boring.

Recipes I Tried : I made Tuscan Chicken with Tomato Basil Cream. I was really excited to try this one because it sounded so simple. Ya...it was simple...and tasted pretty simple too. I can make something just as easy that tastes better. It's off the list. Bummer. What a let down.

Projects I Finished : We are SO not even going to talk about Project Life. I finished two weeks' worth of journaling. I'm still a boat load behind. Enough said.

I did get a bit of a present this week though. You know the Big Secret Project? Well...it involves some woodworking and remodeling of a furniture item. I managed to see another similar item last week...sitting out on someone's curb for the garbage man. I mentioned it to Collin and he picked it up for me (after asking the people if it was okay, of course). So I now have another similar furniture item that I will be remodeling as well. That should take care of one little girl's birthday present and another one's Christmas gift. Yay! Oh...and thus far, I'm into both gifts a total of $15. I'm just that awesome. And that's all the info you get for now. (I'm doing SO well at keeping this a - kind of - secret.)

Alright, well...I'm done with being indoors for now. I'm going to go see if I can figure out how to get some sun tea brewing on my patio while I continue to read Jenny's book and veg out in the lovely weather. (It's freaking 90 degrees here people! I have to enjoy it before it goes back to 60 on Thursday.)

Lazy(ish) Sunday

It's getting closer to Halloween and we're getting all prepared at our house. We've spent the last few days getting things ready to go. Darian has finally decided what he wants to be so I spent Friday and Saturday sewing part of his costume. I still have one element left. What has he chosen to be? Finn (with Jake as his trick or treat bag) from Adventure Time. Algebraic!!

So far I have his hat and backpack complete. We had to pick up fabric for Jake last night so I'll be working on him during the upcoming week. (I'll be sharing some tutorials for the costume elements in the next couple of weeks.)

But that's not all we'll be working on next week...we're also getting ready to start assembling our yard decorations. We went out today and spent our set aside "pumpkin cash" in preparation for the event. I still have to go pick up the needed mini-pumpkins, but today we got our twenty, yup...twenty regular sized pumpkins. It's going to be magnificent. I'd tell you the plan, but that would wreck the reveal. I'll share some pics during the week as things move forward.  There is a LOT of carving to do. Tonight I will be wrestling with wire hangers, needle nosed pliers and crepe paper...I'll share those results tomorrow. And don't worry...those pumpkins won't go to waste. I will be keeping the seeds for roasting and the uncarved pumpkins will be broken down for future pies, cookies and bread.

Here's what else I've been doing this week :

Recipes I Used: Tonight's meal is my jambalaya - one of my absolute favorites. I'll be sharing it as it's own post for you tomorrow. This week I was fairly lazy and we did a lot of leftovers and lazy meals (like the makeshift nachos I made a couple of days ago). On Tuesday we continued to break down the leftovers in order to return my stew pots to rotation. I finished off our Peanut Sesame Noodles, a really easy delicious recipe that can be eaten cold or hot. (I found this one on Spark Recipes about six months ago.)

Ingredients :

2 cups cooked spaghetti
1 tbsp. sesame oil
3 tbsp. smooth peanut butter
1 tbsp. fresh ginger (I use 1 tsp. ground ginger)
1 tsp. red pepper flakes
3 tbsp. hot water
1 garlic clove, chopped (I use 1 tsp. garlic powder)
2 tbsp. soy sauce
1 tbsp. red wine vinegar
1 tbsp. toasted sesame seeds

Cook spaghetti according to package instructions. In a separate bowl, combine all remaining ingredients - except sesame seeds. Mix until peanut butter is fully dissolved. Blend spaghetti and sauce until noodles are coated. Sprinkle with sesame seeds.

I more or less tripled this recipe when I made it last week. That used up a full box of noodles so that I didn't have open ones hanging around. It also provided us with two dinners and two lunches.

Books I Finished: I finished reading Her Fearful Symmetry by Audrey Niffenegger. It was fantastic! I read it really quickly and it should do well in the brackets. Speaking of which...the next round will be up this week. I started reading Mercy by Jodi Picoult - so far also good.

Projects I Finished: We completed couponing in preparation for November. Our local store was having their "anniversary sale" so there were some really low cost items that made me go out for groceries a couple of weeks early. Collin was busy working so Darian helped me. We did really great and ended up with about a 35% savings margin.

I finished sewing Darian's hat and backpack for his Halloween costume.We also picked up some other craft supplies for five other projects that are on the burner. I am proud to say that I did manage to save 50% on everything purchased thanks to my sale/coupon shopping savvy. In the end, Darian's costume will end up costing me less than $15. Each of the other crafts will work out to about $5 each.

Posts I Posted: We completed two phases of Frugal Meal Planning, including how I lazily clip my coupons. I showed you how Bailey prefers to spend his evenings and I told a tale of home auto repair by Crazy Neighbor only to discover that you all apparently only enjoy Crazy Neighbor when he has the potential to kill someone in the process of his neuroses. (You're all demented and very sick puppies...I respect your dedication to high expectations.)

Favorite Post of the Week: A post from my favorite blogger of all, The Bloggess involving this :

(Tell me you haven't already laughed.)

The Best Thing I Found on the Interwebs: Thanks to my brother Tyler I was introduced to Chuck Testa.

You're welcome.

He's BAAAACK! Crazy Neighbor vs. Auto

I'm feeling a little wiped out and drained tonight after a day of fighting of a cold with a ridiculous dry cough. So...I've decided to keep it light and bring you all another tale of Crazy Neighbor.

I've been thinking about Crazy Neighbor a little bit lately. He is currently missing. Not missing in the sense that there is a search party and the potential for imminent danger - though that would be exciting. He has been mysteriously absent for about two weeks now. It's been magically quiet in our neighborhood, with the exception of the short period last week when our other neighbors were out of town and their poor dog decided he missed them. (Sadie kept sitting by our back fence worried about his cries from the other side.)

We know that it's not an unexpected absence...his daughter has been over at least once each week pulling weeds and trimming trees. So I've began to contemplate the possibilities this morning. (Yes. I was that bored.) I think I may have figured it out, but if I'm right then there is the potential for some very frightening tales. I'll keep my eyes open for him coming back and I'll keep you posted.

So we've already spoken about CN's issues with an ATV and watercraft...today we're going to speak of the basic automobile. (I'm telling you...there is no end to this fun.)

Don't let her fool you. She's an evil minx.

I came home from work this past spring to see CN out in his driveway with his garage doors open. He was pacing around in a circle with his hands up akimbo to his head like a sprinter trying to walk off the exertion of a 50m dash. That's all it took. I was curious. I pulled into my garage and (after a quick trip to the bathroom) went to the other side of the house. As soon as I got into my bedroom I heard the cursing begin.

There were words uttered by that man that I'm not sure I had ever heard spoken before. It was epic. Strings of profanity exclaimed at volume levels that may very well have broken the sound barrier. Keep in mind that this was in the early evening of a weekday and there are small, impressionable children in our neighborhood who were out playing.

He may have memorized this.

He had stomped back inside the garage. I quickly gathered that he was angry at the car. He shouted and pointed his finger angrily at the poor sedan calling it a whore and other colorful euphemisms. Had I not had visual I would've assumed that he was having an argument with the girlfriend. He was brutal and ruthless. I could hardly contain my laughter. I texted Collin immediately and told him to hurry home from work - he was missing the show.

The anger escalated. He was underneath the car at the trunk one second and then standing next the the car kicking it violently the next. I was confused to say the least. I looked hard at the car to see if I could figure it out. From what I could see from my vantage point, it would appear that someone (although the girlfriend was a likely candidate I'm going to go with good ol' CN himself) had run over something and bent the exhaust system under the car as well as the passenger side fender.

At this point you might think to yourself, wouldn't it be best for him just to take it to a body shop. This was a new car (I would say less than a year old). Well of course it would, but don't be silly, this is CN we're talking about. He can fix anything. Don't believe me? Just ask him. Apparently though, this one had him flummoxed. No amount of revving would help mend the twisted mess of metal under that car.

I turned away for a moment to answer my phone. I giggled like a Japanese anime girl while I explained the situation to Collin. He was stuck at work and totally devastated to know what he was missing. After finishing the call I looked back out the window. Oh holy night, the scene I landed on. It was magical!

The perfect solution to a bent tailpipe. It is a PIPE wrench after all.

Perhaps you are familiar with a pipe wrench? Ya...I'm talking the tool the Mario Brothers use. You know, the one that's longer than half of their bodies?  CN had busted this out and jammed it into the exhaust pipe. Yup...apparently he was going to fix this bastard with a steel enema.  The cursing got intermingled with grunting as I watched him try and bend the metal with the handle of the pipe wrench, pulling with all his might and turning a rather impressive shade of red.

Minus moustache, plus obscenities.

Thank goodness I had just used the bathroom or I'm pretty sure my laughter would've caused a small leakage problem. It was like a monkey with a shoehorn. This went on for about five minutes - I'm not kidding you...five SOLID minutes - before he gave up. But...before he went inside he got in one more jab. He swung the pipe wrench and smacked the side of the exhaust pipe. Well...that'll teach it. He then threw the pipe wrench across the garage and kicked the car in the fender for good measure. Hysterical.

This is where he finally gave up. He walked into the house and slammed the door still loudly yelling obscenities as the garage door closed. It was like watching the curtain drop on a Broadway play. It truly deserved a standing ovation.

So...with gems like this you can now understand why I find myself itching to know where he has gone. I'm so excited to see if my guess is correct. If so...the potential for a GLORIOUS blog post awaits. Until next time everyone!!

All in the Family: The Time Crazy Neighbor Tried to Kill His Kid

I know you have all been chomping at the bit waiting for another Crazy Neighbor (CN) story.  After all that time of being patient (you've all done very well and I'm proud of you)...IT'S HERE!

I mentioned last time that CN has a penchant for motorized vehicles. Well, his collection includes not one, but two boats. And...as with any other mechanical item, his solution to any issues is to just go ahead and pin the throttle. That'll fix it.

Now we weren't privy to the situation that led up to it, but we were home relaxing one Saturday morning (sleeping in and not showering until nearly noon)...when we heard quite a racket from outside the bedroom window. We both knew pretty quickly that CN was at it again, but we could never have imagined the fantastical sight that was awaiting us.

The layout of our house is not ideal. Our master bedroom is on the main floor (which I love), but it backs up pretty much to his driveway. As such, looking out the bedroom windows gives us a pretty clear view of any destructive processes taking place out front. Unfortunately, this also makes it very painful for us when CN decides to undertake projects in the dead of night. Loss of sleep has occurred frequently. There have been two situations where I have nearly called the cops and complained about his "disturbing the peace". I am proud to say that I have never followed through on this tempting solution.

On this particular day, I was in the bathroom putting on my makeup when Collin called me from the bedroom. "You've GOT to come see this!" Now, generally I'm the one who gets most excited about the antics of CN. To have Collin giggling like a school girl in the next room promised something amazing.

Oh the wonderous things we are exposed to!  The noise we had been hearing was the roar of his boat motor (outboard motor, in case you're wondering). You may say to yourself, hey...aren't you only supposed to run those in water? And to this question I would say, yes...yes you are. But don't worry...CN thought about this before firing it up.

Something a little larger than this, but you get the visual.

Now if it had been me - or really any other rational person I know - I think the boat would've been taken down to the lake or the marina to check it out. Or hey, maybe even to the repair shop to have someone who actually knows what they're doing weigh in. CN? Nope. Not even close.

Out in the driveway, CN sat up front in the boat with hands on the throttle. He was facing across the street and fiddling with something in the controls. The motor? It was submerged in a large plastic garbage can filled with water. Wait...it gets better.

Pretty sure this action isn't listed on the manufacturer's suggested uses.

 
If you're picturing this in your head then you're probably wondering how the garbage can could possibly high up enough to reach up to, let alone over, the motor of a boat on a trailer.  Well guess what? It can't. But CN thought about that too. He enlisted the help of his eldest son, henceforth to be known as Thing 1.

Just swap out the blue hair for blonde...check.

At the time, Thing 1 was around 10 years old. He's a pretty slight thing, average height for his age, but not super bulky. Yet there he was...holding the garbage can up off of the ground, leaned up against the trailer...while dear Daddy floored the motor. Water was careening over Thing 1's head in torrents. The garbage can was shaking wildly. Thing 1 was yelling loudly and incomprehensibly. I think this irritated CN. How dare that child wreck his ingenious plan?! He stopped momentarily to reposition the trash can and yell profusely at his child. I can attest with near certainty that there was a copious amount of swearing.

Meanwhile, Collin and I were inside stifling our laughs and pinching ourselves as we enjoyed quite possibly the best weekend entertainment well...pretty much EVER. We just kept waiting for the moment when the certain atrocity would take place. We were both picturing some form of horror scene with loss of blood and potentially limbs. Texas Chainsaw Massacre meets The Perfect Storm. Yes, the child may have been in harm's way and probably not under the influence of the best parenting, but (and I am occasionally sort of kind of not proud of this) we just shrugged our shoulders, looked at each other, and one of us mumbled something about how if something happened, at least CN would be able to put his kid back together.

Relating this story, I am still somewhat stunned about what I saw on that day. Who really ever thinks they'll catch their neighbor attempting to maim their own child with watercraft on dry land? You know that old adage about smart people not really having common sense? Ya...pretty sure that was the best example I will ever be witness to.

It was short lived revelry. Thing 1 was (predictably) not strong enough to hold the garbage can up to the appropriate height for long enough and it came crashing to the ground. I think maybe at this point CN realized that having his child mere inches from a swiftly rotating propeller was probably a bad idea. Or maybe he just decided that pinning the throttle wasn't going to fix whatever he thought was wrong. (I'm placing my money on number two.) He cut the motor and packed in the project. And with that our entertainment ended.

I don't know what was wrong with the boat that day, nor do I know how he got it fixed, but I will say this - I enjoyed that semi-tense couple of minutes...watching my own version of a train wreck.

Tales of Crazy Neighbor, Installment #1

If you follow me on Facebook or Twitter then you no doubt by now know that I have a crazy neighbor. Being as he woke me in the wee hours of the morning and has more or less resulted in my zombie-like status today, I found it only fitting to share a tale of crazy neighbor today. And fear not, I'm sure there will be plenty of new crazy neighbor stories to come.

Crazy Neighbor is a divorced, middle-aged man who looks something like a chubby and angry Rick Moranis. He is not the friendly type. When told about Crazy Neighbor, my parents seem concerned that he may some day turn into some psycho knife wielding maniac. I don't worry about this. He is neither coordinated nor forward thinking enough to pull off this plan. Plus, he has no ability to be stealthy. I'd totally see him coming.

This gives you an idea of what I'm dealing with...though he is decidedly more grumpy.

I feel it only appropriate to  introduce you to Crazy Neighbor with a story about how I first came to meet him...well, actually more of a come to know of him. I bought our current house about five years ago. The former owners never mentioned issues with said neighbor other than the fact that his kids were a bit rowdy. Obviously they were in a hurry to get out of this house and knew he would immediately kill any sale. I'm pretty sure they scheduled all of my viewings/inspections of the house around his work schedule, attempting to ensure that he wouldn't botch the deal.

So it was only after the papers were signed and it was a done deal that another neighbor (who I had already known for a few years) told me the story of what had happened the week before. We'll call this neighbor (who I really like), Bob. I had noticed as I was moving in that the neighbors across the street had a large piece of plywood installed in their den window. I thought maybe there was some sort of burglary (maybe my nice new neighborhood wasn't as safe as I had hoped), so I asked Bob about it. In hushed undertones he began the story that would set the stage for the next five years.

It is important to understand that Crazy Neighbor has a penchant for things of the motorized variety. He however is not very mechanically inclined. In this way he reminds me of my brother, who managed to destroy every car my family owned once he turned driving age and who cannot be trusted to operate any wheeled vehicle, motorized or not. But those are stories for another day.

Anyway, ol' Crazy was working in the driveway to apparently try and "fix" one of his four-wheelers. From what I gather, this was a child's four-wheeler with what I'm told was a centrifugal clutch. The centrifugal part was apparently an important detail because it was repeated by Bob several times during the story. Being that I am just one step above Crazy Neighbor in mechanical aptitude, this means nothing to me, but I generally understand the principle of a clutch. Said clutch was apparently sticking and in order to attempt to repair it, Crazy Neighbor decided to rev the engine at full open throttle to dislodge it. This is Crazy Neighbor's solution to any motorized situation. It's somewhat critical to the understanding of the level of genius we're dealing with here, but I feel that I may have given away the linchpin to the Crazy Neighbor saga. Oh well. This time his monkey skills apparently and temporarily worked. The clutch "unstuck" just long enough to pin the throttle at full bore and the four-wheeler went tearing across the street unmanned.

The ATV crossed the street, jumped the curb, mowed through some shrubbery and plowed through the front window of the neighbors' house across the street. The neighbor owning the house had just left the room after working on his computer. Sitting there a mere two minutes longer would've resulted in him being crushed by the careening vehicle. I dare say Crazy Neighbor drew a lucky straw on that one.

So this was my introduction. It became clear in how Bob told the story that this was not the sole incident in the neighborhood and that Crazy Neighbor had a bad rap. I didn't pry. I was new to the neighborhood and didn't want to be "that lady". In retrospect, perhaps I should have encouraged further gossip and then enforced my "lemon law" clause on the house. But, instead I smiled and maybe giggled some and then went back to my unpacking.

At the time I moved in, Crazy Neighbor was not divorced but instead lived in the house next door with his wife and two boys. The entire family was a piece of work. The wife ran our homeowner's association with an iron fist - trying to fill her day with itemizing the violations of others. She felt the need to point out that the homeowners on the next street over had the wrong color of decorative rock in their yard and another had *gasp* bark. In order to fully inform you how silly this was, Crazy Neighbor's house also has the wrong color of rock. Insert facepalm here. She also thwarted our idea to install a flagpole at the corner of the yard as she was concerned that the sound of the rope hitting the pole during a breeze would wake her. I think she really needed to find a hobby.

And then there were the boys. Now, in general I like kids and I can understand boys being rowdy. Fine, I have brothers, I get it. But no, these children were Satan's spawn, destroying everything in their path. They rode their bikes directly through my front lawn, taunted my dogs by shooting air soft guns at them and shot bottle rockets at the house. They also threw a baseball directly through my vinyl fence. How is this even possible? I'm pretty sure I can assert that this was not an accident. Of course their mother was oblivious when Collin went over to ask when we might expect it to be repaired. Her darling children had not informed her.

The kids were frequently chucking things over the fence and then retrieving them from our backyard without giving us notice. At first, I didn't find this to be a big deal. But one winter morning I looked out the back door to see child-sized footprints in the snow all the way across my lawn, to the other side of the yard, and near the dog kennel. There was no real understanding of why this should be. 

This leads us into our next story, as this was also when the dog taunting began. They would stand on the boat parked next to our fence, hollering at the dogs and throwing things (Cheetos, rocks, silly string, etc.). I yelled at them for this more than once. Now Piper and Harley were hardly phased and generally remained on the patio undisturbed. But once we got Sadie, it was a different story. Sadie is very protective of the yard and will go nuts when she thinks anyone might invade. I had nightmares of her mangling one of Crazy Neighbor's children for coming in the yard. So...we installed a lock on the fence. I figured if they lost something in the yard they were more than welcome to knock on the door to ask for it back. I didn't need to be sued. (As a side note, I'm pretty sure psychologists have linked cruelty to animals to psychotic behavior as adults.)

Up to this point, I had not had any face to face interactions with Crazy Neighbor himself, as he was rarely home. But around this time, Collin and I went out of town for a concert, leaving both Darian and our house in the care of Collin's mother. When we got back a new Crazy Neighbor story was awaiting us. Apparently, the demon spawn had again lost something in the backyard and discovered the lock on the gate. They took this issue to their father. Soon after, Carole received a knock at our front door.

Instead of a "Hey, my kids managed to throw something over the fence, do you mind if I go get it?", she was greeted with a "YOU LOCKED THE GATE!!" Not, your gate is locked. No, this was the gate. Now serious props to Carole, as she handles most morons fantastically. This situation was no different. She simply stared him in the face and said "Yep." Crazy Neighbor repeated the accusation and grew increasingly irate "WHY DID YOU LOCK THE GATE? YOU CAN'T LOCK THE GATE!" Carole, in her infinite wisdom replied "Actually, they can. This is private property," and promptly shut the door in crazy neighbor's face. Well played Carole, well played.

So now you know a little of what we're dealing with over here. Don't worry...the story doesn't end there. Oh no, this story is just beginning. It grows more colorful as the years go on until we reach this morning, when I woke to the sound of a revving four-wheeler at 4 a.m. Crazy Neighbor apparently felt the intense urge to load his trailer and clean the garage...with the doors open...with the ShopVac. Did I mention that this was at 4 a.m.? Oh, and this is nothing in the grand scheme of things. You have not yet seen what Crazy Neighbor is capable of.