Saturday, March 27, 2010

3-02-2010: Imported from After the Flames

I'm starting to wonder if I will ever be normal. There are so many silly things that make me upset, anxious or just plain stressed. I don't handle change well. I need a nice stableroutine with predictable motions.

I'm making myself sick today, worrying about things that I can't control, things that really don't matter and things that probably don't exist. My stomach is in knots. I should eat dinner, but I'm so riled up that I'm not hungry. I've been sitting home alone for a couple of hours now and the loneliness is causing me to race. My thoughts are spinning.

I really want to make things work, but it seems that every day is a gigantic challenge. I'm always afraid of something messing it all up. Either something that I'm going to do or something that I've missed...something I didn't find or find in time. And so I search for it...and all it does is get me into trouble or make me come up with plans that wind up stabbing me in the back.


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