And I am certainly one of them...
J made a good point today. Why is it that women can't handle it when the guys they date, marry, etc., have good friends who are also female? Why is it that we get all so screwed up in the head about that?
The things is...he's completely right. Here I am, perfectly understanding of the fact that people are naturally drawn to have more friends of one sex than the other, regardless of their own gender. As I stated in my post yesterday, I've always felt more personally comfortable with guys. But somehow, something in my mind won't let me understand the fact that the men in my life might feel more drawn to have friendships with other females. Something about that just gets me in a tight little twist.
So, here I am trying to be the nice girl. I'm trying to be understanding and not let it all bother me. But the truth is, I'm not sure I'll get to a point where it won't. Something deep down inside of me is programmed to see these other women as competition. No matter what J or any other guy has to say about it. Part the problem for me now is the fact that J and I obviously share no real physical connection during the day. The lack of this interaction may have something to do with my insecurities. Not only that, but the lack of my personal knowledge of his female friends creates a bit of extra mystery surrounding them. I'm sure that S is a perfectly lovely girl. And no part of me wants to deny J of any form of happiness...friendship or otherwise. Here he is with this girl that he cares about and who cares about him. There's no romantic feelings involved and there's no history of romantic feelings or encounters. Yet I just can't stand the thought of him alone with her. I'm a complete nutter, as he says.
When I really sit and think about it though...it really has nothing to do with S. And if I were to get to know her, there probably wouldn't be an issue. My current disapproval of the situation seems to stem from blatant jealousy. I'm 3000 miles away and unable to see J's face, let alone touch him, and she's right there...up close and personal...for a large portion of his day. The truth is, I only get so perturbed about his interactions with her because I wish they were interactions with me.
I can't help but wonder if this isn't the root of the classic female problem with their men's other "girlfriends". If we all had the amount of time and attention and interaction that we desired with the ones we cared for, would these petty condemnations exist?
As for me...well...time will tell. At this point all I can do is trust in what I know of J. He's a good man and I have to believe that everything will work out alright. I have to believe that S has no ulterior motives and that J has no hidden desires for her. If I am wrong, then I'm a fool. But if I'm right, then I've saved myself the headache and I've saved J the frustration of having me constantly be consumed with curiosity about S and their friendship. And maybe as my ability to create actual "face time" increase, these feelings of petty jealousy and callousness will fade. We certainly can all hope so. I'm sure it would do nothing less than help J feel less surrounded by craziness...
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