Well...just call me stupid. Here I am, nearly single girl, hanging out in Las Vegas...party city. And what am I doing? Sitting in my hotel room. Stupid, stupid girl.
But really there is a story behind it all...and it's not all because of my stupidity.
I'm in Las Vegas for the week for a convention. I flew into town on Friday night and I'm here until this coming Friday. It's been a crazy couple of days. My brother came out with me for the weekend and we hit nearly every casino and walked nearly the entire strip just checking things out before he had to go. So ... exhaustion. Add that to the fact that I was staying up until 4 or 5 in the morning each night and...well...things got ugly.
In the midst of this, more chaos took place. As with all prior nights, J and I talked when I got to Vegas. Things were fine for a couple of nights, but he started to show signs of jealousy. You know, curious if I was hit on or had brought a man back to the room. I tried to brush things off and take them with the fact that he was finally showing interest in me as a girl for himself. But...it continued...
So...I'm in Vegas thinking all is good. Then J and I start talking on Sunday night. Seemed to be a bad idea for the evening as we started to pick at each other right away. I was irritated about his breaking promises...as he still hasn't bothered to try and call me...and he was irritated with my pushing him (particularly to call me). Things started to wear on me and I may have become a bit bitchy...I was quite tired by that point. We are now on day two of no talking.
The thing is...this is where I find myself as stupid. Not for asking for an apology, but for letting him get away with crap like this for so long already. I am a good catch...I am. I'm not that bad looking, I'm smart, I'm driven and I'm financially stable. But I let him push me around. I let him make me feel like less and let him berate me. Not anymore. I want to be with him, but the respect has to be there. I told him at one point that I was letting him control the relationship and that I would take my fair share when I felt comfortable. Well...that time is now. If this relationship is going to work, it will have to move forward. And if it's going to move forward then I need to quit being such a pushover and he needs to step up to the plate and pursue me a little. Frustrating. But...we'll see what happens.
Let's hope I don't lose J in the process, but...if it's meant to be...we'll both come around. And if not, then perhaps for the best.
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