Thursday, October 12, 2006

I Am a Chatty Cathy

My heart is very soft. That's what I've learned today. I have no ability to categorize feelings well. I simply take on everyone as my own personal responsibility...trying to care for them all. I find that I am a sucker for them all...boys. Such a group they are. One cute smile, one flattering word, one sexy little me done. And then I get least by some.

Since the separation I have been spending a lot of time on my computer. I don't watch much television and I tend to stay up late at night so it's a good companion. As a result, I have wound up chatting quite a bit. Online chatting is a dangerous thing, never knowing what you are going to get...never knowing where things will lead. And yet I pursued it blindly. Now...what do I have to show? Well...I've written off many of the guys that first tried to talk to me. They jump right in with the sexual innuendo upon seeing the "evil" in front of Elle. That's too much for me. But many have still found themselves little places in my MSN friends list. There are even a couple that I've deleted thinking I'll never hear from them again only to have them pop up a week later to see how I'm doing.

So now things are changing in my little MSN world. As you already know if you've been reading this blog...J has taken over. I still can't figure out what to do with him. I talk to him every day. I want to talk to him every day. Call it infatuation, call it lust, call it dependence...whatever you like. But I find it all very comforting. I find him irresistable, even when he's irritating me.

The thing I sit here and write this...the thing that most comes to mind is J. ILike I said, I'm just drawn to him. All this internet chatting does for me is solidifies my feelings about J. A little litmus test for my emotions; trying to see if they are all just hot air. But the thing is, all that keeps happening is that they seem more validated.

Hmm...who would've seen that coming?


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