Friday, August 25, 2006

Repeating the Past

Last weekend was my 10-year high school reunion. I originally had planned on banning the event - thinking that no one would have changed. If I didn't like these people ten years ago, why would I want to spend an entire evening with them? Turns out I was both right & wrong. Some people didn't change at all. Some of the partiers were drunk before the sun went down and some of the anti-socials stayed that way. But I'm still glad I went. Why? Nearly twelve years after our dating had come to an end, I finally got some closure with an old boyfriend. Not just any boyfriend, but my first love. It seems silly, I know, but we had never really recovered our friendship and I missed that. We were always very close and even after the separation never really fought. The parting was somewhat amicable (aside from the fact that he then slept with my best friend). I have missed him over the last ten or so years and have often wondered what my life would have been like had we stayed together and weathered the storm. But, as with many a young love, ours fizzled and...well, died. Until last Saturday night. We stood together and talked for about fifteen minutes about stupid things that made little difference, but we talked. I touched his arm, he hugged me tight. It just made everything okay. It's okay that I loved him and it's okay that I still love him. We both have our own lives and we would be completely ridiculous if we ever thought of merging them, but I can still hold a special place for him in my heart. Benj...I still love you...and I always will.


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