A Nerdy Explanation for My Absence and a Cheap, Easy Recipe

I'm just a titch forgetful. I meant to give you a heads up, but I went on a mini-vacation last week. Hence the no posts. Well...technically I went on a business trip. A business trip which fully exposed my dental nerdiness.

Collin & I took off on Thursday for a conference in Coeur d' Alene. It was a two day course on medical emergencies in the dental office and dental anesthetic technique. That's not the good part. The good part? The speaker was Dr. Stanley Malamed. And now you're scratching your heads thinking...who?? Well, if you went to dental school you probably know the name. If not, you will in a minute.

Dr. Malamed is pretty much the dental anesthetic guru. He wrote the book on it...no seriously, he wrote the book on it. I own it. It's the book I learned off of and that's probably the case for about...oh...95% of dentists in the United States. The man is awesome.

I had a great time in the class. Collin and I chatted with Dr. Malamed quite a bit - Dr. Malamed was really excited to have a paramedic in his class and kept checking his facts with Collin. How cool is that? We both decided that we'd totally hang out with him.

So...of course I had to get a picture with him. (Side note: when I texted Erin about the class she asked if I had him sign my boob. No Erin, I did not.) I haven't yet uploaded the pictures from the camera, so you get the crummy phone version of the photo. Still awesome.

Not a bad weekend. Collin & I got to spend some much needed time together, had some ridiculously good sushi and I got 14 CE credits. Whee!

Now...the other half of the promise inferred by the title...

Ranch Chicken Salad

I'll be honest...this one isn't a five star meal. That should be fairly obvious. However, this is great for one of those days where you don't want to do much cooking but you don't want something out of a box. It does not do well as leftovers...I will warn you. (Unless you keep the components separate.)

This is one of those college kid meals. I had it quite a few times in dental school.

The ingredients are pretty simple :

2 cans precooked chunk chicken (you can use 4-5 boneless skinless chicken breasts instead...I'm too lazy)

1 package ready-to-serve salad

1 cup cheddar cheese, shredded

3/4 cup ranch dressing

3/4 cup salsa

1 cup corn chips, crunched

Pretty easy right? And cheap. That probably should've been obvious both from the title and from the fact that I pegged it as a "college kid" meal.

Are you ready for the oh-so-difficult instructions?

Mix salad with chicken and cheese. Combine dressing and salsa. Drizzle dressing over salad. Top with chips.

It's pretty much rocket science.

The good news is that you hit all the main food groups and it takes you about 5 minutes to prep. In fact, this is an easy meal to make for your newly training chefs. Darian can do this one by himself.

Enjoy!

Summary Sunday - Chore Day Shmore Day Edition

Well...I have a ton of stuff on my "to do" list today. I'll be honest...stalling by writing this post? I'm totally okay with that.

Here's what's on the list for now :

1. Laundry : 1st load is in the dryer, 2nd in the washer. I'm thinking another 2 loads and I can call that done. We're just going to pretend that putting the clothes away isn't part of this task...

2. Coupon Cutting : So, I'm slightly anal about how we go shopping. But - it pays off! Other than picking up the essentials like milk and cheese, our family has been able to avoid grocery shopping since November! (And, if you're wondering...we've now been Wal-Mart free for over a year!) That's right. When I did my shopping last fall I was able to stock us up so well that we've had meals for three months! Honestly, we could probably make it for another two weeks if I just went and got eggs and cheese, but the natives are getting restless for some new snacks.

I'm cheating. I'm dividing up the tasks over the next few days so that we can be ready for shopping either Thursday afternoon or Friday. Today, I'm cutting coupons. Tomorrow, I'll be taking inventory. Tuesday, I'm gathering up my recipes and doing the meal plan. Based on what is going to be on sale, I'm going to aim for two months worth of meals. I'm also going to attempt to do more crockpot cooking over the next few months. It's highly convenient and it seems to stretch my dollar further. In fact, I currently have some sesame chicken in the crockpot thanks to Pinterest. We'll see how it goes.

But, I digress. Wednesday will be my wrap up day. I'm going to put everything together and build my binder for the trip. I'm expecting a $200-300 run if we end up with two months of meals. I'll keep you posted...

3. Project Life : I've totally been slacking on this. I'll admit that right now. I have the photos all together for the last three weeks, but I'm behind on journaling. So the goal for today is to get caught up on journaling and prep the pics for my post on January's pages (finally).

I'm pretty sure I had other stuff on the list, but I think I've already hit burn out. I can't remember anything else at the moment. Oh well, let's move on to wrapping up the week instead.

Posts I Posted : It was a slow week. Darian wrapped up his reviews for the Percy Jackson series and I went slightly postal on my feelings for stupid parents.

Recipes I Tried : Other than today's foray into Crockpot Sesame Chicken, it stayed pretty low key around here. The nice thing about making big Pinterest meals is that we tend to have leftovers for a while. Oddly enough, the boy loves him some leftovers. He always cheers when I say that's what we're having for dinner.

Books I Finished : It's not finished yet, but it will be by this evening...I'm currently reading The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern. It's really good. Thank you to Patti for her suggestion!

Projects I Finished : Nothing got finished. Let's face it, it was kind of a lazy week. I did do some things in preparation for a tutorial I'll be posting next week, but other than that, the only thing I finished was editing the photos I took at Kirsten's birthday party last week. Some of them turned out quite cute. I even managed to get one that makes my guys look photogenic.

Best Blog Post : I've taken to cheating and starring my favorites on Google Reader. My memory is crap. I'll just go ahead and throw that out there. So, even if I find something wildly hilarious...I completely forget what it was by the time Sunday gets here. I need all the help I can get.

This week, it isn't something funny, but rather something that I found pretty poignant. It's Ali Edwards' post of a video based on Ira Glass' "Ira Glass on Storytelling, Part Three". She found it on Sabrina Ward Harrison's facebook page. I found it fairly inspirational...and I'm not very sappy, so that's saying something. Oh, and I initially watched it with the sound turned off. I found it even more powerful that way.

On that note...I'm going to go be creative...with coupons...and Project Life...

Please Don't Make Your Child Afraid Of Me

I don't typically write about work on the blog. In fact, I rather like to keep it separate from what I consider to be my "fun". But...there have been some experiences at the office lately that have made me realize that maybe a little Public Service Announcement is in order to help some clueless parents wake up. The basic premise of this post - think before you speak and follow the golden rule (you know, do unto others as you would have done unto you).

In my practice I see a lot of kids. A LOT. I would say nearly 80% of my day is filled with patients under the age of twelve. I enjoy that. Kids are usually a really fun part of my day. What I don't enjoy is when an ignorant parent ruins the child's experience with me before it even gets started, making it more difficult on everyone involved.

Nearly every child has some form of an innate fear of or nervousness around medical professionals. That's just the way it is. Things are foreign and scary. I expect that. But that small level of fear is typically easy to work through by building a little trust. In our office, we call this tell, show, do. Basically I tell the child what I'm going to do, show them what I'm going to use (sometimes demonstrating on my hand or theirs) and then we actually move forward with the procedure. This takes away a lot of the unknown and a good majority of kids learn quickly that we are there to help them and that sometimes it can even be fun to go to the dentist.

But...then there are the other, let's say 10%. These children are ruined for me. I will never gain their trust. I will never be able to work on them with everyone in the room being calm and comfortable. In fact, I may not be able to work on them at all. I may have to refer them for sedation dentistry or it may take me years to get them to trust me enough to even lay back in the chair. Why? Because these children have parents who have increased their fear and made the dental office a bad place to be.

There are three typical scenarios for this problem :

1. Mom or Dad had a bad experience as a kid or is phobic as an adult - and they share this with the child.

Okay...you had a rough time at a prior visit. Maybe you couldn't stay numb. Maybe you had a tooth that was in a lot of pain before getting worked on. There are unfortunate bad experiences out there. But please don't poison your child's idea of what it will be like.

Don't tell them "when Mommy was little it really hurt to go to the dentist and he/she was really mean." Really? Your kids trust you. They're going to believe you over me. If you're telling them that dentists are mean before they even meet me, what are the chances they even want to let me lay a finger on them? I'll tell you: slim to none.

2. Parents threaten their child with a trip to the dentist if they don't brush their teeth.

Please, please don't threaten your children in order to improve their oral hygiene. Don't tell them that if they don't brush they'll have to go to the dentist and get a shot. Are you kidding me? How would you react if someone said that to you? Imagine going in to see a physician for some ailment that needs treatment via surgery. What if the physician said to you "this procedure is really going to hurt - a lot. You're going to be totally miserable and I'm going to be really mean to you"? Would you want the surgery done? Of course not! You'd be reluctant and nervous.

THIS is what happens when you threaten your child. If you want to motivate your child to do a good job on their oral hygiene, help them, teach them and reward them. (All children under the age of seven need some assistance from adult. Some children will need help or "checking" into their preteen years.) Teach your child why it is important to have good oral hygiene. Let them know that leaving food on their teeth can let tooth bugs make holes and that once the bugs have made those holes, the tooth won't heal itself. It will be broken. Let them know that they need those teeth for many years to eat all the foods they love and they have to keep them safe. Don't threaten them with a painful procedure.

3. Children are incorrectly prepared for having treatment.

If I diagnose a cavity and you tell them on the car ride home that they're going to get a shot and it's really going to hurt, it no longer matters what else you or I have to say. All they have in their little heads is that the next time they set foot in my door, I'm going to hurt them.

I am not sadistic. I do not get pleasure out of torturing my poor little patients. I do not relish in their pain. Quite the opposite actually. The philosophy of my office is to never force a child to do something they don't want to do. The very rare exception to this rule is if I am involved in the procedure to a point where leaving things as is will cause them harm. At that point, we have to finish. But if we're seeing a patient for a cleaning and they are terrified of leaning back in the chair, we work with that. There is not force, there is no threatening. There is only reward. Positive reinforcement is the way to go. If a patient is a helper for me and we finish what we have planned, then they get to pick a prize. Most of my patients love that. The prize is a good motivator. Help me by doing the same. Use praise, not fear. If a child does get a cavity, it's not the end of the world. We'll fix it. They just have to work harder on keeping their teeth clean next time. Healthy teeth are happy teeth.

The key to keeping your child from being afraid of the dentist (or other medical professionals) is to talk on their level. If you're going to talk to them about a procedure, use what we call "soft language". Sure, you can prepare your kid for their filling appointment. But tell them that we're going to give their tooth some sleepy juice or that we're going to give it medicine to make it numb. Think before you speak. Don't say we're going to use a needle to give them a shot. Honestly, when I hear this come out of a parent's mouth, I just want to smack them across the face. Thanks. You've now managed to ruin the appointment for your child, my assistant or hygienist, and myself. We have done this hundreds of times. We know what we're doing. Trust us when we tell you how to approach these things.

Bottom line - do you want your kid to be happy or terrified? The majority of the outcome is up to you. Is there the possibility of a bad experience? Of course. Unfortunately they do happen. Are there still going to be some children terrified of the dentist even if the parents have done everything right? Yes. This does happen and sometimes it is very hard to work through.

I can't speak for all other providers, but I know that in my office we work very hard to prevent bad experiences. We listen to the child. We let them guide us in what we can do. We involve them, we teach them and we encourage them. The end goal for me is always a patient who will have a lifetime of good oral hygiene and good dental experiences. Having happy kids in my chair is what really makes my day worthwhile. There's nothing better than going to get a six-year-old from the waiting room and having them yell for everyone to hear "I love the dentist!" (And yes, this has happened.)

How Far Could I Run?

It's all coming undone. Worse than it's been in a long time...probably since last August. I am having crazy swings that are completely out of control. I thought I was doing so well withthe meds. It just makes me want to scream.

Until this afternoon I have just been crazy down all week long. I could barely move yesterday once I got home from work. I called & texted Collin all day about wanting to come home. This morning I didn't want to get out of bed and nearly let Collin just keep hitting the snooze while I pretended not to hear the alarm.

Today I started to feel a little bit better at the end of the work day, but it quickly turned on me. Three hours later I was in full swing. Jumping out of my skin, feeling the pounding in my chest and just panicking in general. I'm feeling completely crazy - to the point that I'm recognizing what I'm doing and thinking to myself "this is crazy" but not being able to do anything about it. I got in the truck tonight and seriously thought about just seeing how far I could drive before someone even noticed I was gone. I just want to walk away from it all. I love my house, my pets, and of course my family...but there is so much other stress that I just need to go away.

I hate going to my job every day. I hate it all day long. I look at the clock every ten minutes. I hate the ridiculous pile of debt that I have thanks to the education and the setup costs for my stupid job. I hate that I have to sacrifice MY pay to keep everything running while I'm the one who is doing the biggest share of the work (which is exhausting) every day. And then having staff members who don't appreciate their salaries (on occasion) and feel entitled to a higher pay (it's a recession, are you nuts?) makes it even more annoying. I really just want to scream at them. I make 1/3 of what I made in 2007...doing the same job, in the same location, with the same debt to cover. AAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!

I hate it when Collin isn't around. I have so much paranoia about what he is doing when he isn't with me. I should be more trusting, but I just can't control the crazy thoughts that just keep building and feeding themselves in my head. He's at class right now...6-10...and yet (as happens at least once a week) I get the thought that maybe class ended early and maybe he's spending time with another girl or just out with friends to get away from me and my nuttiness. I know this isn't easy on him, but I'm just bouncing off the walls.

I'm hoping that I can make it through my day tomorrow (a partial day thank goodness) and then have some of this settle this weekend. Honestly, if it doesn't get better I don't know what I'm going to do. I've never wanted to go the hospital route (in fact I've bawled over asking Collin not to take me) but it's starting to be something I wonder if I need. I just don't know how much longer I can pull of this strong and stable facade...losing it...

Fake It 'Til You Make It

My mother told me one time that I'm too good at hiding what's really going on so even she has been fooled.

I started thinking today that I may not be able to pull the fake too much longer. Every day that I go to work it seems to be getting worse. I have been holding back fairly well for the last...umm...15 years when I feel like crap or I'm anxious and feeling like I could just vibrate right out of my skin. Most of the people around me have no idea that anything is wrong with me at all. My close friends will occasionally be "exposed" to my swings and some of my erratic comments or actions, but I think most of them just attribute them to stress or quirks in my personality. My patients don't really have a clue. I put on the fake happy face pretty well and then hide out in my office and try not to cry or run from the building screaming.

My employees just think that I'm occasionally grouchy in the mornings...to the point that my office manager has specifically instructed them not to approach me with any "bad" news until after 10am. :)

It's getting worse and worse every day. Today I only made it to 8:15...I start at 8. :( I felt like I could crack any minute. By afternoon I was in a full fledged panic. I honestly think that a lot of it is my job. It's very high stress and I always feel like I need a vacation. But unfortunately, due to high levels of debt I'm a bit trapped. At best I can get out of it in 5 years...let's see how far I can make it. Psych ward may not be too far off...

3-12-2010: Trying to keep it together... (Imported from After the Flames)

Ugh. It's been a trying week. I've gone through a few swings...very strongly down...but I think now I'm holding pretty steady. I watched the documentary by Stephen Fry "The Secret Life of the Manic Depressive" and found that I identify fairly strongly with the last girl interviewed. I like to think of myself as creative...I have gobs of little projects going at the moment. I'm a scrapbooker, a photographer, a quilter (I make photo rag quilts on a semi-regular basis), and a poet/writer. I like to think that I'm fairly good at all of these little skills...but I've found that in my downswings I can't do any of it. The creativity just gets sucked out of me and I just want to do nothing. I can't even go into my scrap room. It just disgusts and frustrates me because I know there is a lot to be done and I will accomplish none of it until the darkness goes away.

This week there were a few things that threw me down the spiral and I think just a couple of things that saved me from losing it all.

I started and finished my work week with the worst patient I have ever had. After practicing for nearly 10 years I have never hated a patient as much as I hate this woman. As soon as her crown is finished, I'm kicking her. I just am astounded by her rudeness. At over 70 years old she should be able to be somewhat polite, but she refuses to look me in the eye when she talks to me, won't answer my questions and takes her sweet time to follow instructions so I can finish the procedure in progress. No one in my office likes her and I'm sure there are underlying reasons for her unhappiness, but I will not make myself and my staff suffer from her awful attitude.

On Wednesday, Collin and I got in a rather heated argument that completely spun out of control and ended up with me saying I wanted to break up...a statement I regretted within 20 minutes. Things were fairly well repaired by last night, but the stress of that along with all the questions of how my "craziness" is going to strain our relationship has definitely worn me down.

And finally, yesterday I got some news of mixed review. My sister-in-law confided in me that she is pregnant (and swore me to secrecy from the family until she goes to her doctor appt. next week). I should have been happier for her and my brother, but it devastated me. I'm the oldest...this particular brother is seven years younger than me. I was married for six years prior to my divorce, two of which I was trying to get pregnant with no success. I have been in my current relationship for 3 1/2 years and have been strongly desiring a child for the past year. My best friend just had her first child six weeks ago and her pregnancy was a little difficult for me to deal with just because it's something I have wanted for so long. I'm happy for her, but it's hard to see. And now to have my sister-in-law pregnant...it's just salt in the wound. My life feels like it's falling apart around me and SHE gets to have a child??? She is immature and not someone I would particularly see as a parent. Don't get me wrong, she's not a bad person. And the kicker is the fact that they weren't really trying. As she puts it, they just weren't being careful. I had a major meltdown earlier today and nearly spun myself into a panic attack over the whole thing. Is it sad that I'm angry that not only will I be able to provide Collin with his first child, but now I won't be able to provide my parents with their first grandchild? I hope that my opinion of the situation will become less bitter and more joyful over the next few months, but right now anger, frustration and intense sadness and disappointment in myself are at the forefront. Oh, and to add insult to injury...I was planning on my wedding date being at the end of October. She will be due at the end of October/first of November. Now my plans have to change again...I've already had to postpone by at least six months because of what happened last summer. How old am I going to have to be before I finally get to do what I want to do?

Like I said earlier though, there were a couple of things that added a little light at the end of the tunnel and helped me return to even keel. The first was the discovery of the aforementioned documentary thanks to a forum posting on this site. It was helpful to watch it and identify pieces of myself while at the same time reassuring myself that I'm really not that bad off if I compare my symptoms with the majority of the people featured. For the last week or so I have been devouring all of the information I can find on BP...discovering that the education is helping me deal, but also realizing that there is very little out there specific to BPII.

The other thing that really helped was babysitting my best friend's daughter earlier today. Though I am still very jealous and really struggle with the desire to be a mother, being able to have a few hours of that calmed me and helped me appreciate the closeness that I'm going to get with her.

I'm hoping that the upswing continues. I have yet again begged off of my work at Collin's office and now plan to go in tomorrow instead of doing my office work today. It would be really nice to do something creative tomorrow while Collin is at work. I really enjoy having completed projects when he comes home. In the meantime, I just keep pushing along...

3-02-2010: Imported from After the Flames

I'm starting to wonder if I will ever be normal. There are so many silly things that make me upset, anxious or just plain stressed. I don't handle change well. I need a nice stableroutine with predictable motions.

I'm making myself sick today, worrying about things that I can't control, things that really don't matter and things that probably don't exist. My stomach is in knots. I should eat dinner, but I'm so riled up that I'm not hungry. I've been sitting home alone for a couple of hours now and the loneliness is causing me to race. My thoughts are spinning.

I really want to make things work, but it seems that every day is a gigantic challenge. I'm always afraid of something messing it all up. Either something that I'm going to do or something that I've missed...something I didn't find or find in time. And so I search for it...and all it does is get me into trouble or make me come up with plans that wind up stabbing me in the back.

Update...Upshift...

Things are changing for the better. It seems that the chaos that has been present over the last few months may be settling. Things are slowly calming down and falling into place again.

I have been taking the Wellbutrin for almost two weeks now. I haven't seen a huge change yet, but the amount of swings has certainly decreased. I'm just not sure if it's a matter of the meds or a matter of situational change. Time will tell.

The divorce papers with T were signed last week. Everything should be completely finalized by the end of this week. I am beyond ready for it all to go away. We managed to make it through the process pretty well, but we did have one minor scuffle in the lawyer's office. Seems that T has become petty about the money. An employee of the neighboring practice has a sister in T's English class. Seems he has been quite loose lipped about our impending divorce. A classmate recently asked him how he was handling the whole situation and whether or not he was okay. His reply? "Well, I'm not rich anymore." Hearing that stung a little, but the vindication of my decision was a bit nice. Then came the stint in the lawyer's office. As part of our settlement, I had agreed to pay for T's tuition for the next 3 1/2 years as long as he maintained a 3.0 GPA. We had discussed this situation prior. When it came time to sign the paper though, T stated that he felt that "passing should be sufficient". Well...let's say I was less than receptive to this idea. A minor shouting match ensued and I told him to either sign the papers or I would remove the clause and take him to court. He ended up signing. Let's hope it continues to process properly. I need this done. Unfortunately, once the divorce is final there is still the matter of his remaining stuff. He still has books, a table, and the stupid gun safe to pick up. I'm hoping that will be gone within the next two weeks.

Work is going okay. I started interviewing for an assistant last week. I've got three girls coming for working interviews this week...we'll see what happens. My front office gal interviewed another lady for her position today. Seems that might pan out as well. My fingers are crossed. The only bummer about work is that I'm a bit bored at the moment. With only one assistant, I don't stay nearly busy enough. The rest of the girls in the office have plenty to do, but I just sit and goof around half the time. It makes the day move quite slowly. Let's hope the pace changes soon.

The building is coming along nicely. Brick finally got finished and the flooring is proceeding. Tile is completed. Cabinets are in. Trim is up and stained. Painting is started. Countertops were going in today along with sidewalks. It's nice to see it all becoming...real. One of my floorings is still on backorder, but the questionable doors have made it...so at least I can keep the rooms closed up.

As for personal life...as always it has changed.

I scheduled my staff for a CPR update a couple of weeks ago. We met on the Thursday before last and had nice little refresher course. The instructor was C. He is tall, dark hair, hazel eyes, pierced ears & tattoos. He is a paramedic/EMT and he is gorgeous. Well...I worked up the nerve over the weekend (as I went to Utah with my mom to visit my aunt) and on Monday made a phone call to C on his cell phone (he had given me his card in case I wanted to buy an AED). I very hesitantly asked him out...I thought I was going to throw up. To my surprise, he accepted. C and I have now been dating for a week. He is absolutely wonderful. He is sweet and kind, but funny and unafraid. He is just edgy enough to keep me interested without being out of control. He is ambitious and he is dedicated. We've spent a lot of time together over the last few days. He is divorced and the father of a 4 year old boy (who I met today). He is the best dad. His ex has full custody, but he makes sure that he spends plenty of time with his son and that everything is provided for. He works four jobs and goes to college full-time. He is amazing. Best of all...he's very interested in us. We're both very happy with our new relationship and, though both of us are looking for something that will turn serious, neither of us is ready to get married again for a long time. We fit so well. We have a ton of things in common and being together is just easy. Comfortable. We have none of that "first date jitters" sort of stuff. It's great.

J and I have downgraded to friends at a mutual agreement. He is dating the girl he slept with after my trip to Vegas and I am happy with C. We still talk, but things are slightly awkward at the moment. We both still have deep feelings for eachother, but we've realized that the distance will continue to pull us apart. We talked about our relationship and decided that it would have been perfect if we had been within a hundred miles or so of eachother, but that the distance of an entire continent makes things very very hard and unrealistic. So...that's how it is. We're both dealing well and I hope that we will continue to be good friends.

I'm becoming more content with life. Things may be far from perfect and I may have a very long road in front of me until I feel that I'm really back on track with my life, but I'm finally at a point where I'm starting to feel happy again. Let's hope it's a continuing trend.